A week ago today I was just getting back from my week-long mission trip to Poland. The trip wasn’t what I expected but I experienced way more than I ever thought I would. It was a trip full of the highest highs and the lowest lows. In reflection of my time in Poland as I served Ukrainian refugees, I have decided to make a series of some God-centered moments and experiences.
Before I left for Poland, I was facing many spiritual attacks. I was blinded by overwhelming feelings and fears and I felt like I had no part in going on this trip. I felt like I had nothing to offer because my energy was drained and I was running on empty. But despite running on empty and feeling as though I had nothing to give. Despite feeling broken and numb; God used my brokenness for good when I trusted that He could use me at my worst. God can use you even when you’re broken.
Our team flew out early Friday morning from Seattle, Washington to Toronto, Canada. Our flight from Toronto to Frankfurt, Germany was delayed by an hour and a half. Due to the delay, by the time we landed in Frankfurt, we had already missed our connecting flight to Krakow, Poland. We were traveling as a team of sixteen (with our seventeenth person arriving two days late). Eight of us went on to fly to Krakow right away leaving the other half of our group (including me) to spend the day in Frankfurt as we awaited our evening flight. This was a blessing for me for two reasons. First and foremost, I got to spend the day in Frankfurt which was a huge huge blessing. Visiting Germany has been a bucket list item for me.
Secondly, I learned the following day that Gods plan will prevail no matter what you originally planned. And God sure had a better plan than I could have ever envisioned!
That night our reduced group of eight sat waiting for our final flight to Krakow. The plan had originally been to take a two-hour train ride to Rzeszow (the city in which we were staying and going on mission in). But instead of boarding a train at two in the morning, we were invited to stay at this Ukrainian church in Krakow and we were given the opportunity to help lead the church service the following morning. As Mary Grace listed off the ways in which we could serve, I felt a tug on my heart as she talked about giving the sermon. I gave my best yes and had faith that God would move through me as I announced that I would give a ten-minute sermon.
On the flight from Frankfurt to Krakow, I was so tired and anxious. I was absolutely exhausted after two days of travel and I was so anxious for the following morning. I had no idea what to give the talk on, I was tired, I felt so far away from God, and I had come on this trip already feeling drained. How was I supposed to pour out when I had nothing left to give?
The following morning I showered and got dressed, conducted my notes, and met for a pre-church meeting. For some reason, I felt calm. All I had in mind for the sermon was a page of ideas. I didn’t even know what I was going to say! But for some reason, when you hit a certain low, you come to understand that you can achieve nothing on your own. I prayed for the Spirit to move and speak through me because I knew I had nothing left to give.
Fast forward a few hours and I had delivered my sermon nerve-free. I got to work with a translator who translated into Ukrainian and some people in the service had headsets on that translated into Polish. There were three rooms full of people surrounding the stage and balcony seating up top. I shared my dad’s Everest story, my epilepsy diagnosis, and talked about the power of prayer and how when we do life with God we are capable of overcoming the impossible. I talked about having hope during impossible situations and I talked about the growth that comes from facing obstacles in life.
After the service ended, the eight of us were invited to the front to pray over people individually. We were assigned a translator and I kid you not, people stood in line for over an hour to be prayed over! Back in Seattle, I watch maybe one or two people go to the prayer corner to ask for prayer. But here in Krakow, not a single person left when the service ended. Every single person knew that they could use prayer and it moved me. Every single person came up ready to share what they were going through and how they needed healing in certain aspects of their life. People came ready to share and ready to receive and that was absolutely beautiful!
A big fear of mine when going on this trip was having to pray for others. You see, I couldn’t pray for months. I felt that distant from God. I was really struggling and praying seemed like an impossible feat. I feel like an underlying reason why I even chose to give the sermon was so that I could get out of praying for people. But clearly God wasn’t going to let me get out of praying that easily. As I was called back up to the stage to pray for people, my heart was racing and this thought of “If I can’t even pray for myself, how can I be expected to pray for others?” kept circling in my mind. But as I watched the line form, I looked at the faces of the people coming to the alter for prayer and I saw myself reflected in their faces. It was in my brokenness that God would use me. It was because I was hurting that I could pray from a place of hurt. It was because I was weak that God could make me strong through my weaknesses. God knew what I was feeling. He knew the place I had been at. He knew I was doubting Him. He knew I felt empty. He knew I felt broken. He knew I felt unworthy. He knew I was scared. But He knew I would say yes. He knew I would let Him use me. And because I let Him use me, He took my brokenness and transformed me during this one beautiful day. A day that wasn’t even supposed to happen. A day that wouldn’t have existed in the way it did if something hadn’t gone wrong to begin with.
I not only got to speak and pray over people and allow myself to be transformed by God, He also gave me a beautiful gift. There was this lady I had been glancing at during the congregation because she reminded me of someone. She ended up standing in my line so that I could pray over her. When she got to the front of the line, she told me her granddaughter has epilepsy. Her granddaughter can’t walk and can’t talk and the doctors have given up hope. And on top of this, her daughter and granddaughter are still stuck in Ukraine. She felt hopeless in not being able to do something to help them and she told me my sermon restored some hope. I told her she reminded me of my late great-grandma (my great-grandma is Ukrainian) and that this felt like a God-sent moment of closure for me. I prayed over her and her granddaughter and we hugged and cried together. She told me she would never forget this moment and I will never forget it either.
I had so many incredible encounters with people and from the moment the church service ended I felt as though I had already fulfilled the reason why I was there. I felt God so closely and I had pushed myself through many fears. I went from the lowest low to the highest high in the span of a morning. It made me think about how important it can be to say yes to God and trust that His plan is better. I wasn’t supposed to experience this moment. I wasn’t even supposed to be in Poland. I had originally planned on being in London for a Study Abroad, but God pushed it back until Summer. I was supposed to go to Singapore with my mom, but God put it on my heart to go on mission. I went to my youth group and prayed about going on a mission trip and as I ended my prayer it was announced that there would be a last-minute mission trip to Poland and it felt right. And then I was supposed to be in Rzeszow by Sunday but God allowed us to miss our flight so that I could fully experience Him in Krakow. Being there felt like a miracle. And when you look at it and at all of the pieces that had to align for this or any moment to happen, it is a miracle.
EMILY DICKINSON 