On Thursday night, a small group of us women were invited to share at a Women’s refugee center. We made our way there and found out that the missionaries running the center were Spanish. Three people in our group happened to be fluent in Spanish. It was a breath of fresh air to finally hear a language most of us recognized or could speak at least a little of.
At the center, I spoke about something that was on my heart to share. I talked about a time I endured during the Fall. I had gone under anesthesia at the hospital and when I woke up, I experienced a seizure (Epilepsy blog post).
As I hovered between consciousness and unconsciousness, I noticed the concern the many doctors were having with the heart monitor. I craned my neck as my body vibrated, as my legs kicked, and as my breath came in and out, panicky and ragged. I stared at the monitor. My heart rate was rising and I knew I had a choice. I could choose to freak out and panic which would cause my heart rate to rise further, or I could choose to remain calm and focus on regulating my breathing.
You see, we all have a choice to make when we endure situations. We can choose to freak out, to panic, to make a situation worse, or we can choose Gods peace and let go. There are many situations outside of our control, but we can choose how we respond to them. In this example, it felt like I was choosing life over death. It reminded me of how we have to choose life or death on the daily. Do we want to live a life with God or without God? Do we want to experience Gods peace? Because God offers us peace. Even when the situation seems hopeless, God offers peace. Even when the situation is frightening and scary, God offers peace. You can choose peace amidst the storm. You can choose to rest and let God take control.
On our final night in Poland, on Friday, our group of seventeen rode the train from Rzeszow to Krakow. We got two apartments for the short night, one for the boys and one for the girls. Most of us didn’t sleep at all as we had to leave at 4:00am. Instead, we explored the city at night.
After I had wandered around a bit, bought food and a drink, and stared in awe at the architecture of buildings while stepping out of the way of drunk people, I found myself wandering around our amazing apartment. It was so beautiful and I felt like I was inside an ancient palace. I went to the piano and started playing random chords and sung softly. It was such a peaceful moment. Some girls were sleeping behind me, others were still out wandering the city. I played despite knowing how to fully play and I let the moment sink in. It was the most breathtakingly peaceful moment. It was a perfect moment. A moment I knew would come to pass all too quickly, same as how quickly the trip had flown past. I breathed in the city sounds, the soft lighting, the immaculate architecture, the wonderful people surrounding me, the transformative trip and story that started in this part of Poland, and I played as if to capture the serenity of the moment. A moment so complete that my soul flooded with emotion. I wished, once again, that the moment could last forever.
As the girls returned from their night adventures, we all sandwiched on a massive bed and talked about the trip. It was a much needed embrace and one that completed the narrative of the trip. I was not alone, and in fact, I was being filled up so abundantly by the people surrounding me and the people I had the chance to encounter on the trip. I felt God healing the broken pieces I had walked into the trip with and I felt my soul rejoice in the peaceful encounter of the Lord.
As my trip came to a close, I learned the very thing that frightens you can be the thing that sets you free. Every risk you take is one step closer to experiencing the plan God has for you.
EMILY DICKINSON 